Jim and the Ballina Incident.....

Jim and the Ballina Incident.....

Postby tripreporter » Fri Mar 15, 1996 4:33 pm

A number of years ago the club visited Ballina for a weekend of canoeing.....as is traditional on a canoe trip, a large amount of alcohol was consumed en-route.....another tradition is sign stealing or borrowing....

As we entered the town, Jim "the Boston Kid" McAlinden spotted a sign in the distance... in typical Jim fashion, he started to jump up and down in the back of the bus ..... at this stage, he was hammered on cheap Marks & Sparks beer ......and as we all know, Jim can be very persuasive after a few beers... in response to the tantrum in the rear of the bus, the driver slammed on the brakes but before the bus had stopped Jim was out the door and staggering up the street... Jim reached the sign, lifted it over his head to the delight of the cheering canoeists in the bus.... he placed the sign under his arm and began to run back to the bus.... at this time, a number of locals gathered to watch the proceedings.....

Meanwhile back at the bus... Dr Ian " Let's surf the mini-bus!!!" Hill, is telling the driver to pull off before Jim gets back... and that's what happened!!! The bus speeds away, leaving Jim behind holding a sign in one hand and his **** in the other hand.... to an audience of staring locals........................... If this were an ordinary canoeist this would be the end of the story......BUT we're talk'n about Jim "pinned under a tree" McAlinden ......

Unfortunately, Jim did not know the location of the hostel.... so he asked one of the locals for the directions to the ONLY hostel in town............ NOT Jim staggers into the nearest pub!!! The rest of the club head back to the hostel..... remove all the bags from the bus, have a cup of tea and decide to go for a few drinks ...... as luck would have it... we met Jim at the third pub.....and it has to be said.... Jim was polluted!!!! AND had taken a large "Pointy Head"......... I believe his words were: " Youuuse cann Kkk hick .....( belch) Kiss my sizeable arse ...... ( large fart) .... buck da caboo clubb ....... ( drools down the front of his shirt) ..... I'm go'n .....I a go'n toe wwha walk back to BBelfast..........basss hards .... buck you Hill...... piss off Dougal......." After ten minutes, of rolling around the floor of the bar in shear pain with laughter........most of us made it back to our table at the back of the pub........ half an hour later we ventured down to the bar again.....

Jim was joined at the face to a large hairy beast, unaware of our presence......this "thing" turned out to be one of the local ..... well........... girls...... Jim's brain was suffering from alcohol poisoning...... he seemed to be proud of his latest conquest and introduced Bessie to the rest of us.... then he turned to Bessie and continued to suck the alcohol from her stomach.... later Bessie took Jim home for a night of passion..... details of this chapter, will be left to the imagination... as they are very disturbing.....

The next day......... As planned, the club prepared for a day of surfing at Easkey..... unaware of what happened back at Bessies place.... luckily Jim woke up first.... climbed over Bessie .... tip- toed to the door picking up his clothes, shoes and underwear on the way... he moves down the stairs in James Bond Fashion.... opens the back kitchen door ... still naked .... he walks outside..... replaces his Y-fronts .... when suddenly, he hears the sound of a large animal running towards him ... no, no, not Bessie .... it's a real dog.... a big one..... Jim soils his bags .... then looks around to the fence at the bottom of the garden.... and starts to sprint .... with the dog just behind him .... he leaps over the fence with one mighty jump and the dog crashes into the base of the fence.. Jim lands in the middle of the footpath in the middle of Ballina .... shocked at what they see, a number of locals faint at the site of Jim's fine physique.... at this exact moment, the club bus is driving past.... we stop and Jim runs to the safety the UUJ mini bus...........................

And that's how it happened!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I'm not finished yet........................

Later that day while surfing at Easkey...... Jim and Dougal found themselves in the middle of the ocean...........when sudden gale force winds arrived......everybody else was at the shore getting changed.........

Dougal : " Where's the rest of the lads Jim?"

Jim : " Shut-up, Dougal .... my head is **** kill'n me!!!"

Dougal : " But Jim, everyone has gone back to the shore"

Jim : " Shit!!!!! You're right Dougal"

Dougal : " The shore is really far away!!!"

Jim : " Dougal?"

Dougal " What Jim!"

Jim: " Is your boat full of water? "

Dougal: " Yea , is yours ? "

Jim: " No, it's full of beer!!!!"

Dougal: " Nice one!!!"

Jim: " Unless we empty our boats, we are not go'n to make it back!!!!.........OK, I'm go'n to turn over, get out of my boat ...... then we're go'n to empty my boat on the front of your boat.... then I'll get back into my boat and we can do the same for you!!!!"

Dougal: " how do ya mean, Jim????"

Jim: "Shut-up, Dougal"

The lads empty Jims boat and Jim gets back in.... and Jim "the ****" paddles for the shore leaving Dougal behind....

Dougal: "Where are you go'n Jim??? ..............Did ya forget to empty my boat??? ................ JIM are you mess'n..................................................JIM YOU'RE A BALLOCKS!!!!!!!"

Jim makes it back to shore leaving Dougal (a mere first year) all alone in the middle of the cold dark ocean.... with his boat full of water ..... Dougal summons all his strength and paddles back against all the odds..............WOW .......What a paddler!!!!!!!!!

And that's what happened.............. Dougal, Ballina 96.

Present Day..........

Dougal: "Jim,..........when are ya coming home from Japan?????? We miss ya!!!! ...... NOT .....ha ha......but seriously, Jim, ..... do ya know what we like about you????.........."

Jim: " Whats that Dougal???"

Dougal : " Feck all....!!!!"

by Dougal
tripreporter
 
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Joined: Sat Jul 28, 2012 4:28 pm

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